Two extremely fat trailer trash women order banana splits. The older one has grey hair and matching grey goatee, no joke. It's like five o'clock shadow or something. She must have to shave it every other day. They spend a long time trying to decide what toppings they want on their splits.

A guy and his girlfriend come through the drive through. As we are getting their food, they are smoking a joint, the smoke blowing in through the window.

It's a rainy night and a guy orders something and then asks if we take Interac when half of his food is prepared and he's at the window. when he finds out we only take it inside, he looks torn. "I don't want to get out," he explains. he gives me his PIN: 1980.

A man and a woman, probably husband and wife, are at the counter. the man is somewhat large. they both order Ultimate Value Meals and Peanut Buster Parfaits. the man specifies that he wants Diet Pepsi with his meal.

A real asshole of a guy butts in line at the drive through. He's eating Taco Time (not a rare occurence) and listening to Poison or Van Halen or other such riffraff. I ask him if I can help him and he replies rudely, indicating to Bernie who is taking an order at that moment and is busy, "SHE's the one who took my order. I want to talk to HER." The guy is drunk or mentally ill or both or something. She obviously hasn't taken his order because he's butted in. "He wants to talk to you," I say to her. Bernie admonishes me in her usual way and says that I should take the order and tell him she's busy. I do so and he acts like it's a big deal but proceeds to order, complete with vague hand signals, "I want one of those round doodads with a thing." I say, "You mean a Dilly Bar?"and he looks completely exasperated. "NO," he shouts. "Fuck. I can't believe this. Don't you know ANYthing? I want one of those round doodads, with a ball, and then another ball, and then some strawberries on top. And another one with chocolate on it." "Oh, you mean a sundae?" I ask. He replies with some rude affirmation. "And a pint of just ice cream," he adds. So off I go to get the sundaes and everything else. He turns up the music so any question I ask is inaudible. I ask him if he wants lids and he looks at me like I've just caused a massive inconvenience again, and then replies yes. So finally we give him his food and he proceeds to yell his head off at us and swear and ask for his money back. "GO BACK TO SCHOOL," he shouts. "Learn how to do your fucking job properly." He drives off, swearing away.

A woman comes to the drive through and asks if we will accept a coupon for 5 cheeseburgers for 5 bucks. Marly, a DQ vet, is with me and says that the coupon is expired and to tell her to drive to the window so we can look at it. Sure enough, the coupon expired in January. We tell her this and she protests. "They take expired coupons at A&W! Let me talk to your manager." Graham comes and refuses her, and she protests that A&W accepts expired coupons. It's as if in her spare time she drives around to various fast food joints with expired coupons. Anyway, she orders three value meals or something, and when we go to take her money she asks if we take Interac (This is the classic stupid customer blunder. order the food, and when it's ready and they're at the window, ask if we take Interac.). When we tell her we don't take it in Drive Thru and she has to come into the store, she replies, "You guys are unreal," and screeches off.

There's this girl at work who's like 35 who owns and wears like 5 different WWF shirts. The one she was wearing today said Stone Cold on the front and Other Side, Jackass!!! on the back. You have to feel bad for her though, because she comes from one of those wife-beating families. Luckily they are now divorced. And she has a hardcore Midwest accent. Her name's Lecia - apparently it's Scottish or something. She's nice, low self esteem, no future. Very wrinkly, bad hair. Sad really.

There's a guy at work named Iler who has a tattoo of barbed wire on the back of his neck. He's 33. Has mentioned a few times about hanging out with downtown degenerates... I could see it, the drugs and stuff. Anyway, he's living with a woman who's like 51 and divorced in this big house. She looks super old, too. There's also a girl there named Dusty who shaves her eyebrows and goes to the tanning salon. She's 17 and she's dating a guy who's 30.

Quite often people order Peanut Buster Barfaits. And Lecia often accidentally calls them Penis Butter Parfaits.

It was a very busy Mother's Day. One woman came ordered a Mother's Day cake - through Drive Thru. (It's the thought that counts.) Then she wanted to pay Interac and of course it wasn't set up so she had to come in anyway, and she didn't even have a look at the other cakes.

A guy wanted us to reopen the cashier so that we could give him "one of those new quarters" with his change.

Some guy came in drive thru and said, "I want a Blizzard." (Why do people do stuff like that? Do people go to Pizza Hut and say, "I want a pizza?") So of course we asked him what size and what kind. He wanted an Oreo. "Or-e-or-e-or-e-ohhhhh..." he said, giving us his impersonation of Tarzan.

This reallllllly dumb girl I work with named Kristy was packing boxes of 12 Dilly Bars. "I always lose count," she complained. Bernie looked inside the box and there were three Dilly Bars in there.

Bernie was telling us her theory that janitors should be paid more than doctors because it's an extremely diffficult job. Janitors have to do what nobody else will do. "They have to clean up everyone else's shit," she said. "But it's extremely difficult to become a doctor. You have to get like straight A's in university. And you have to go to school for seven years," I protested. "So?" was her reply.

Jason is this guy I work with. He was kicked out of school for smoking too much pot and skipping too many classes. His dream in life (this is serious) is to become a WWF wrestler. His gimmick: "the pot-smoking wrestler." He says he's gonna write WWF and tell them his idea. He says it's a good enough idea that surely they'll beg for him to become a wrestler. Plus, he says, "I work out all the time. And me and my friends always wrestle and practice our moves."

An elderly couple came in for a bite in the late afternoon. Candice and I were both exhausted and waiting for our shifts to end. They got their food and everything, and the little old woman said to her husband, "You just go on and sit down, dear. I want to talk to these girls." So he sat down, and she talked to us about how her granddaughter got a bunch of flowers and they were held up with straws just like ours, and how she tried to do the same thing with a bunch of roses but she couldn't get them over the thorns, so she just cut them off and put them in a bowl of water, and there was one that was a double bloom, and it was just beautiful. We smiled and nodded.

When people order in the drive thru, they can be known to remind us that the order is to go.

A very laughy man and woman come in. They stick out a little because of this, but nobody hardly takes notice until they are leaving. They have become increasingly manic all the while and finally they are in hysterics. We look at them and the man says, "And we're going golfing after this," laughing at the woman. They were wasted on something. Probably drunk. And the woman says, laughing at first, "the last time I was here, my fries and my burger were COLD." Then all of a sudden she was angry and yelling. "You should talk to your manager about it, you know," she shrieked, shaking her finger at us. At this point everyone in the restaurant was staring at them. The man quickly ushered her out.

Just as he was leaving, a guy in the drive thru said to me, "You're very beautiful, by the way."

Two double cheeseburgers and a regular dip cone, or two small blizzards and a regular dip cone total to $6.66.

Whenever we get customers in with nasty skin diseases (eczema and the like), or just very dirty, stinky people, I am reminded of why my parents told me not to put money in my mouth when I was little.

A really dopey guy a few years younger than me came in with his dad. They got two Ultimate Super Value Meals (I love the word SUPER, I don't know why) and upgraded one of them to a large milkshake. It totalled out to $14.92. I said, "That's 14.92," and then "Conquest of Paradise" under my breath. The kid goes, "what?" So I said, "Christopher Columbus, 1492." I went and made the milkshake, which takes about two minutes, and as I handed it to the kid, I could see the light bulb all of a sudden switch on. "Oh, I get it," he said. Duh.

A customer came in that looked exactly like Andy Warhol. Enough said. It was cool in itself.

Bernie told me that the reason 9 out of 10 nail biters bite their nails is because their parents bit off their nails for them when they were babies. Of course I was like, "that's bullshit!" And she said, "oh yeah? Did you ever ask your parents if they did?" "No," I replied. "Well, ask them. I'll bet they did." They didn't.

An old man came in completely reeking of urine. He looked like he'd been in the same clothes for three years. His cardigan was full of cigarette holes, and his shirt was filthy. "I'll have a strawberry sundae," he said. "What size?" I asked. "Strawberry," he said, impatient. After that was settled, the total was $2.95 or something. He gave me three dollars and I said okay, and he kept trying to give me more money. I kept telling him I didn't need it. This went on for a while. And I swear, you could smell this guy from like 12 feet away. I felt sorry for him.

A woman came into the Burquitlam store and asked if we had hard ice cream. I said yes we did, and she asked what flavours, and I told her. Then she told me she wanted a litre of vanilla. I said, "We don't do litres of hard ice cream." She said, "yes you do. I come here many times before and buy it." (so why did she ask if we had it? And as if we wouldn't have vanilla.) She actually paid 5 bucks for it. You can see Safeway out the window of the store.

me - Hi, have you been helped?
customer - Oh, we're beyond help.

I've been looking for cool emo glasses lately, and a guy that was probably thirty came in with the wickedest green frames. I commented on them, and he said, "yeah, I look like I could join a Japanese punk band, eh?" Definite.

Rosa, our sixty-something but still thinks she's 29 boss, wears fake eyelashes (not to mention 12 pounds of makeup). People have found them on the floor, in the till, et cetera, and she'll always be like, "Oh, whose is that? Is that yours?" Meanwhile, she's got one eye with totally long eyelashes and one eye that's completely bare. And she's totally obsessed with her weight. She was freaking out because she'd gone from 115 to 116 lbs in a month. "It must be all those bagels I've been eating. I've got to stop eating bagels." And she hasn't eaten bagels since. And she's always like, "okay, guys, I want you to make 187 Dilly Bars tonight." And we'll ask her, "exactly 187?" And she's always so serious: "Oh yes, yes, 187." Or you'll be like, "Rosa, what should I charge him for this?" And she'll be like, "Oh, 83 cents."

My boss, Graham, looks like a 17 year old with a caterpillar on his lip. His moustache is so thin and disgusting. It conjures up bad sexual imagery for all. And his girlfriend is 80's Chick. And we're not talking about the cool retro 80's stuff. Just the ugly flourescent orange and pink and leggings and side ponytails stuff. Ugh. She decorates cakes at our store sometimes, and they'll have hideous orange roses on them, and then bright purple trim around the sides. And apparently, he had this ex girlfriend who used to always talk about their sex life, and they had sex in Rosa's office. Eeeew... I mean, if you've seen Graham you would sympathize. Also, Rosa's office is smaller than my parents' walk-in closet, and I had my job interview with Graham in there. And recently I found out Graham had a mullet! And this particular breed of the Asian mullet was more disturbing than most in that the back was actually permed, and it went all the way down his waist. I can't even picture it...