I've been insanely, out-of-my-head depressed all day. It's around 4 in the afternoon and I haven't eaten anything because I have no appetite. I woke up at 7am after finally falling asleep around 2 (having laid in bed for hours with the light on, my eyes wide open), and I couldn't get back to sleep. Finally around 10 I got out of bed, threw some random clothes on, and biked up my street. When I got a block before Fraser Street I hit this insane hill. By the time I got to the top of it I felt like I was going to puke from pushing myself too hard, so I parked my bike beside a an elementary school. Kids were at recess, playing outside. I sat on a leaf-covered sidewalk, feeling like shit, the sun shining, not a cloud in the sky, a sharp breeze pinkening my cheeks. I laid down on the sidewalk, and after a while, the nausea started to subside. I stared up at the sky through the bare branches of a tree, listening to the kids playing. When I sat up, the sweater I was wearing was coated in leaves. I picked some off and hopped on my bike. I went to Soma, a coffee shop on Main and Broadway. Bought a chai, and sat out in the sun in a nearby parking lot in view of my unlocked bike, drinking chai and calming myself.

When I got home I was miserable again. I put on Weezer, the Get Up Kids, Radiohead. Everything was making me cry.

I met up with Tynan on campus and we walked down to the beach. We stared at the waves for an hour, philosophizing. Still I felt like shit. Right now I'm cooking yams, since I really should eat something, even though I'm not particularly hungry. I've been reading Ovid all day, which is brilliant and enjoyable, and helps keep my mind off things. I need to investigate therapy, because I can't really function anymore.